lock yourself up, lock the truth up .

[original picture]

look.

i want to write, i want to spite, i want to spit

all over your face, i want to hit, i want to split,

i want to spill, i want to drill, i want that thrill

i want to pill, i want to play, i want to slay,

i want to pay, i want karma to tell me the truth

about exactly what i've really done in my youth

is it me in this life or the my past that deserved this

this isn't heaven, this isn't hell, this is reality's piss.

is that why i have no bladder control anymore?

i keep shutting myself in the toilet to let my roar

free, reach the core, and let my strength downpour

out of my eyes, and my heart. release the stress,

make me feel a relieved despite all of the mess.

the way i let my emotions go, its like i've

committed suicide really many times. i've

jumped into an area of empty space, i've

tried to land, but there was no ground, i've

tried to expand who it is i am, and who i've

become. i looked at her, at me, at him, i've

tried to only look, look at the negative, i've

tried to only look, look at the positive, i've

tried to look somewhere, anywhere, i've

even tried to look nowhere, nowhere at all.

i keep rolling around like a red bouncy ball,

bouncing off the walls, bouncing of emotions,

bouncing off adrenaline, bouncing of hope,

bouncing of dope, because i can, i can cope.

i don't know if its a good thing sometimes, and

i've made myself a stone, until i explode, and

my blood, and my guts are left everywhere and

i can't seem to clean everything up in time, and

i need to hide my truth from the everyone, and

i want to show and tell people sometimes, and

i can't, i won't, cause noone wants to know, and

talk to a psycho bitch, now tell me do they? and

would they still look at me the same way? and

would they still love me the way they did? and

would they still like everything about me? and

just lose it, just lose it. lose your own mind, and

lose your rhymes, but do it alone, only alone, and

don't tell anyone, anymore, ever, anywhere, and

take a breath.

just,

take a breath.

take the wretch.

;[signed]

Sam: You know ... not everybody likes to lay their guts out on the table like that, Tara.
Tara: Yeah, they might not like it, but they all dream about finding somebody they can do it with.

She should have stayed away from friends
She should have had more time to spend
She should have died when she was born
She should have worn the crown of thorns
..

She should have stood out in the crowd
She should have made her mother proud
She should have fallen on her stance
She should have had another chance

(been a son, nirvana)

sigalit landau

watch me burn .

(copyrighted image)

i really want to walk through fire, BUT THERE'S NO FUCKING AVAILABLE FIRE AROUND

me.

i guess it'll just have to burn inside .

;[signed]

my breath

will be as real as ever.

when existance is the realest

truest

illusion,

the most pure lie you will ever encounter

and when we just breath the same air as everyone else

and die just to become part

of the rest of this unblinking world

what is your excuse for breathing?

when so few people can confirm my existance,

and just about no one could tell them who I really am

really

what is this breath

that keeps the muscle beating?

you will wait your whole life only to always realize that they made you

all wrong

that never can you become

anything more.

(than a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy)

my breath remains a bad imitation

coming out of a lung

that serves no other purpose

than keeping me

alive.

living when you could be dying

dying when you could be living.

(because one is not complete without the other)

yesterday, today, and an unknown date .

(edited copyrighted image)

Bandaged Daze.

None of the gas and the trash inside of me crash.

My pain has become a stain, a rash i can't bash.

I just want to throw my guts at the washed wall!

another phase set ablaze is just another stall

for mental death and upcoming rental wretch

and for every little harsh hazard going to fetch

out the empty burnt holes from our human souls.

Its camouflage to the vile pile of mind-made coals.

It feels like I came back bandaged from my head to toe,

But all the cuts on me are healed, ain't nothing to show.

And this is just an illusion, a delusion that I do not want,

But why on earthling's mingling does it haunt and taunt?

i don't recognize all of the world's colours, but I can fake;

And shade in tones for my skin to cover my truth at stake.

They say I don't style a genuine smile through this dirt pile,

But I do tend to pretend that everything is in a normal rile.

Stuck in my own picture, where is the vanishing point?

What's making it exist, where is the banishing point?

It's a portrait, a mirror that breathes, it walks, it talks.

It peeps, it beeps, it weeps, its own madness stalks.

Because I'm stuck in a maze, in an heating haze,

And its ruining my day's flow, a nauseating laze.

I keep running in circles and this feeling will not go,

But I can't figure out exactly why I'm feeling so low.

i don't know what to do with all these feelings and emotions anymore.

i'm wanting to fall down the rocks, bleed and puke more on the shore.

pick me up, pick me up from the found ground in the planet round,

because i'm bound to emptiness felt wind drowned in silent sound.

i don't know what to do with all these feelings and emotions anymore,

so i imagine i'm on a parachute that's falling and heading to the floor.

i flare inside of my boiling red face and my itched eyes are on beware.

so pick me up, pick me up, because i'm in the middle of bare nowhere.

;[signed]

it isn't easy .

(copyrighted image)

because all the hocus pocus in my ongoing strife,
is heading me to lose focus on aspects of my life.

Your Own Voice

all this shit takes a hit-
are you good enough?
are you split, are you slit?
cause being tough is rough.

staring off in space,
lost in my every thought.
do i belong in this race?
am i the object you bought?

they look at you for your worth,
and as soon as you do not fit
the guildlines on this dirt, this earth,
its difficult to stand up and not sit.

sit and sulk, cause you ain't the hulk;
apparently, you don't have any power.
cause once again, the shame is the bulk
that makes you unable to get up and shower.

no matter what anybody actually says,
you tried and died once again, and
somehow got stuck right next to the whiz;
and every taste in your mouth goes bland.

unaware of the time, what day, what week
this even is? all you know is that what you seek,
but they called you weak, they called you meek.
and you stand the edge, you reached the peak.

keep questioning yourself, should you turn back?
their bubble voices bursting in your blasting ears!
maybe your anger will put you back on a track;
until you re-appear, and your own voice leers.

;[signed]

tattoo your every belief, just don't make it a random relief .

(copyrighted image)

Do You Believe?

If you believe in reincarnation,
they say babies are born in a situation,
where they remember their past lives,
for their first two years as mind archives.

If you believe in religion,
and aren’t in confusion.
Have faith if its real,
it isn’t a free meal.

if you believe in abortion,
and don’t follow traditional distortion.
Unborn babies should be killed,
Unless their life support is thrilled.

If you believe in justice,
because luck doesn’t suffice.
Don’t wait, or wait forever.
the option might be never.

If you believe in peace,
Remember our life’s lease.
it’s a one-man show,
For himself, he will flow.

if you believe in this world,
there’s a baby inside of you twirled.
It’s skeleton is crying,
its unconnected bones are dieing.

;[signed]

Printed on your Umbrella .

+/

(copyrighted image)

My Umbrella.

under my umbrella, I’m safe, I’m protected
away from this world, before I am segregated.

on our own, nothing matters; not even what goes on in other worlds.
but, the black sheep fantasizes of being part of any of the herds.
in our known, nothing shatters because the umbrella lingers.
but, the black sheep realizes she doesn’t have any fingers.

under my umbrella, I’m better, I’m arrogant.
away from this world, before I am shunt.

I say ‘worlds’, because I don’t mess with what I don’t understand.
cause I can barely be given a hand in this known world headstand.
knock, knock, knocking on fear to leer and make me want to disappear.
shock, shock, flocking by ear, to hear and shake me haunt to appear.

under my umbrella, I’m deep, I’m hollow.
away from this world, before I am shallow.

I don’t want to be the same, but I want 'in' the game.
I don’t want to be the shame, but nor will I be tame.
I don’t want to be alone, but I can’t share anything.
and now i tie myself to try treating horrors like a fling.

under my umbrella, I’m no-one, I’m someone.
away from this world, before I am undone.
under my umbrella, I shoot myself.

;[signed]

(from terry's diary)

I touch the fire and it freezes me
I look into it and its black
Why can't i feel
My skin should crack and peel
I want the fire back

Now through the smoke she calls to me
To make my way across the flame
To save the day or maybe melt away
I guess it's all the same

So I will walk through the fire
'Cause where else can I turn
I will walk through the fire
And let it burn.


'Cause she is drawn to the fire
some people will never learn

We'll see it through its what we're always here to do
So we will walk through the fire


So one by one they turn from me
I guess my friends can't face the cold (What can't we face)
But why I froze
Not one among them knows (If we're together)
and never can be told

So one by one they come to me
the distant redness as their guide
But what they'll find
Ain't what they have in mind
It's what they have inside.

.

(from Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

.

for you, my dearest.

swallow your shallow .

(copyrighted image)

Away, Away.

maybe some known relationships have reached a peak, an end.
maybe the path's grown to become some sort of dramatic trend.
maybe its great to have a new go at everything all over again,
because i'm trying to let go of all the petty little things in the rain.

rain rain go away, all the children want to play.
rain rain go away, all the children live to pay.
rain rain go away, this annoyance might get a say.
rain rain go away, the weather instigates to fray .
rain rain go away, you're not going to stay anyway.

because those the times were grimes on hidden crimes,
when things were more important than poser primes!
but now we talk and the weather is not at all the same,
i guess it is all about keeping that rain train tame.

rain rain go away, droplets of emotions on a long day.
rain rain go away, we're the children who are astray.
rain rain go away, we do need that ciggerate to ray.
rain rain go away, the world has become darkened grey.
rain rain go away, don't make me wait for what may.

because we're shrinking, and time is blinking,
and every single thing that we know is sinking.
i know its my fault for not keeping in touch at all,
i show that its just about raining another phone call.

rain rain go away, whether the weather goes your way.
rain rain go away, because i'm cold enough to decay.
rain ran go away, i'm stuck in a buffet of an array lay.
rain rain go away, the unknown future is on delay.
rain rain go away, away a way to display my dismay.
i pray, i pray, rain rain go away.

;[signed]

edited.

we only want role models with self destructive intent.

JUST SAY NO;

(obesity & speed shirt; gnarlitude.com?)

CHOOSE DEATH .

bloody letters .

(orginal image)

Fuck This Shit .

flaws that could ruin my reputation, this actuality;
undermining this body, more loss of any stability.
carved in worries crucify over this current by far.
keeper of these circumstances, the trance's cigar.

this has become a problem, i am now aware.
higher and higher to realization got me there.
isn't it witty how it was all nothing a while ago?
suddenly, it matters, suddenly it is that logo.

soberly trying to care, but i don't spare a dare.
heading in what direction, i don't know the fare.
intuitively inhaling toxic, a little ataractic spiver.
through the lungs of my liver, this note did deliver.

;[signed]

really,

there's just nothing else left to do or say .

little lead lies /

unknown source

i wish i could cut out my tongue;

it is nothing but a bloated, fat fish.

it lies, bleeding in my mouth.

feeding, in my mouth.

all it does is lie.

rotting, it stinks

killed lead dead, linked to heavy head.

shelled in the burdened bed.

it seeps my weeping deep.

empty, hammered hollow.

my vomit lingers, death taste:

can you undo the waste?

can you see this piss paste?

we're falling apart, rapid haste.

i'm cut, shut; i just won't bleed?

these do run deep, deed.

look at my pointless mutilations.

my empty, long lasting

humiliations.

waiting .

full moon and dead .

don't take this little freedom i got, i cot, i pot .

when addiction causes inflection.


(original image)

Perfect.

another swallowed pill,
another liver overkill.
they tell me stop, stop.
lop, the popping bop.

don't tell me who to be.
you parents fed you fee,
you didn't have to find,
your own indentity bind.

do you grasp this show?
do you rasp dried glow?
you, are living, living.
your perfect world is giving.

mightn't be perfect to thee,
it is to me. to me, it is.
don't take this as diss.
you're my friend, consistency.

seeing your family spilled me,
the democracy that pilled me.
you got it, you got it glee.
with love and rove, no flee.

awake, i lie awake.
you ate your piece of cake.
you flake this pain i take.
awake, i lie awake.

got me nerved up i say, i say.
things weren't meant to be this.
toiled and boiled on that hiss.
new empty roots of another day.

you were supposed to help me sleep,
you got me weeped in my own deep.
and my head is over its own say.
and there's no chance i hit the hay.

i wish you understood,
stand where i stood.
actually in the hood,
of trying to live good.

a remnder of what begun compulsion,
when the addiction causes inflection.
because before you know, it unwinds,
tremories of memories, they offer grinds.
and you compare this unfair share,
and obligate the awake stake's snare.

i try to fly in the dry,
but i fell on some fire.
burning in hell's liar.
i flew in the dew.

;[signed]

yesterday, a while ago ..

The Penguin: You're just jealous, because I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask!
Batman: You might be right.

na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na BATMAN!

and when i needed you all most;

there was noone there .

(original image)

Gash.

this body hit an iceberg, it seems to sink.
because i'm drowning at the link's brink.

the sucking and plucking of the glee;

i do see, what all of this made me.

this stash of ash has had no reason to flash,

and the splash of gash, was never to rehash.

from that banned pow; and hand now:

the irk that spoke-

i'm not working, lurking with commas anymore;

i'm sticking, flicking to fullstops. It be hardcore.

i'll just have to go with a flow that doesn't exist,

and keep shaking hands with an unclenched fist.

from that caught body and taut embody:

the shirk it say-

there is no such thing has you have no choice.

there's this hidden listening to the inner voice.

but yet it turns out i'm still living, and giving;
and misgiving every form of nature's forgving.

its going the way it is, it doesn't matter what i say.
day by day, its going to be lay the delay of way.

heavens, i just almost forget to say,
wish you merry christmas by the way.

;[signed]

The bathtub is empty. (waste of face)

It is roughly carved and peeling-

No hopes of healing, now only kneeling.

It intends to stall, this desperate call.

But it echoes flat;

Hammered hollow, a modern collapse.

No more perhaps.

It is abandoned, it won’t be filled;

It is abandoned, it will be killed.

It has been taken from the pipes,

An organ inhumanly torn and worn;

Fashion’s latest thorn.

You hover in there;

You cover, won’t leave.

you will break; you will make.

Breathing its mutilated bait;
One last stabbing hate.

Denying the undeniable,
Irresistible, consuming; fate.

But soon it’ll be too late.